The Musical Fruit

Years ago, I came across an essay by Benjamin Franklin called “Fart Proudly.” He’d written it in response to a request from a European scientific society, which asked Franklin to submit a proposal to them. Franklin thought the society was pompous and pretentious, so he proposed a study of human flatulence, and the means whereby the odor might be improved. Farting, Franklin claimed, was the result of eating foods that were good for you, and therefore, farting itself was good for you, the social drawback being the smell.

Some 250 years later, there’s Beano, so we have no reason not to grow and enjoy the nutritious (and musical) bean. Dried beans are one of the best plant sources of protein, and combined with cereal grains, they provide all the essential amino acids. Beans also have copious amounts of iron, calcium, phosphorous, folacin, and lots of other vitamins and minerals I can’t pronounce or spell.  If you’re unwilling to wait until your beans reach the dried stage, snap beans have equally impressive amounts of vitamins and minerals, but not as much protein or complex carbohydrate.

Beans are not only good for you, they’re also good for your soil. Beans, like all legumes, work with bacteria to take nitrogen out of the air. The fixing takes place in little nodules (pink or red if they’re working, green if they’re not). Garden beans aren’t as proficient at fixing nitrogen as some of the other legumes, but they can provide their own nitrogen as they grow, and enrich the soil as they decompose.

Legumes each have their favorite rhizobacterium, and if that bacterium isn’t present in the soil, the plant can’t fix nitrogen. Fortunately, inoculants of various types are available at nurseries or from seed catalogs, and you can either dust the seeds with it, or just put it in the furrow. The inoculants are non-toxic and odorless. In fact, they look a lot like dirt.

Gardeners have a wide choice in bean varieties. They can plant bush beans, which don’t need staking or trellising, and might be more suitable for small gardens. Pole beans are more prolific, but require more space and some sort of support system. I’ve been tempted to try the humongous “yard long” pole bean variety. One single bean would probably feed my whole family for a day or two. I’ll try scarlet runner beans too, since their beautiful red flowers fit right in a flower garden, and attract hummingbirds as well. I might even plant some fava beans—you know, the kind Hannibal Lecter ate with liver.

My mother, always one to economize, recommends that I plant one bean variety, harvest green beans until the end of the season, and then let the last batch mature to dry beans. However, many beans that are tasty dry are tough at the green bean stage. Some varieties are suitable for eating both green and dry—your seed catalog will advise you as to that. I

t seems a bit of a false economy to me. With all the varieties of green beans and dry beans, next spring, I’ll be planting several varieties, and I might as well choose for best taste. I expect choosing bean seeds is a lot like buying stuff from late night TV infomercials—sure, maybe a Gizmo can cut both your lawn and your hair—but how good of a job will it do of either?

If you’re planning to garden organically, it’s a good idea to choose seeds that resist common bean diseases, and again, your catalog can advise you. Plant beans after the soil warms up, about an inch deep and two-three inches apart. Thin to six inches apart, a little farther for pole beans. Although beans will be able to get their own nitrogen when they are established, they will need some nitrogen in the soil as they become established. Although they can take a bit of drought, they like regular water, as long as they don’t get waterlogged.

My mother used to warn against touching beans when they were wet. Her warning was sound; as touching wet bean foliage can spread fungal diseases. For the same reason, it’s good to water with soaker hoses, rather than overhead sprinkling.

Green beans are wonderfully productive, especially if you harvest every day. Dry beans aren’t quite as productive, but make up for it in the density of nutrition. Next summer, I’ll be planting a big ol’ bean patch. I hope there’s a good supply of Beano on hand, because I’ll be needing it--proud or not.

When Teresa Howell isn’t pondering the philosophy of beans, she teaches English at Great Basin College.